Divorce – The Do’s and Don’ts
A divorce is never an easy thing to go through, whether you are divorcing your partner or the other way around. It is easy to get caught up in the moment and make poor and rash decisions, negatively affecting both of you. You want this to go as smoothly as possible, so let’s go over some things that are very important.
1) Be in a private setting
Be sure that when you tell your spouse that you want a divorce, you are alone. Arrange to have the kids stay somewhere else, be away from family and friends, and most importantly do not do this in public. Allow them the privacy that they deserve to deal with this hard news.
2) Give them time and space
It is very important to give your partner time to sort through their emotions. You don’t want to have a heated argument, so be straight to the point. Tell them that you want a divorce, that you will give them time to think this through, and you can talk at a later time. Think about staying with a friend or family member for the night to give them space.
3) Be personal
Have enough respect for your partner to tell them to their face. Ending a marriage over text, email, or through someone else is incredibly impersonal and cowardly.
4) Keep the focus on you
Make sure not to make any accusations. Keep the conversation on about what you need, and what is right for you. Say something along the lines of, “I have decided that I am going to file for divorce. I am not trying to cause you any pain, but this is what I need to do. I will give you time to think this over and we can talk about it later.” Stay calm during this, be clear with your words, then leave and give your partner time to think.
5) Be smart and stay safe
If you know that your partner is prone to anger or violence, and you are afraid for your safety during this point, have a plan in motion. Have a friend or family member wait close by for you. Have your conversation in private, and then make your exit and leave with whoever is waiting for you.
Making the decision to get a divorce is hard and can be terrifying, but sometimes it is necessary. You will benefit from this in the long run!